If Only I Was Her
by MillefioreCloudGuardian03
Summary: "I was always right beside you, but that was before she came along..." Onesided 8083/ Yamamoto x OC. Slight Spoilers for the further chapters of "Immortal Flames".


**Declaimer:**As you can guess this is a FANfic; so of course I own nothing except for the storyline, the idea, and my own characters.

**"Katekyo Hitman Reborn" and all related characters © Akira Amano.**

**"I Wish I Was Her" © Amy Pearson.**

* * *

**If Only I Was Her**

_Always knew that when we said goodbye_

_It wouldn't last forever_

_Always thought that I'd run into you_

_And we'd get back together_

I was always watching you from afar, but you never seem to notice.  
Each and every day I see you grow stronger, laugh more, and live happier then you ever did before.

And every time I see you; I fall in love with you over and over again.

With every smile; my heart beats faster.  
With every laugh; all my worries seem to disappear into thin air.  
And when you look my way; I see no one... But you.

You were my everything...

...Until she showed up.

_Now you're here_

_Just like I imagined_

_But never once did it cross my mind_

_That you could move on_

Ever since she showed up... Everything changed.

Whenever you smiled; she was always the reason behind it.  
Every time you laughed; it was always with her.  
No matter where you go; she's always by your side.

I... Hated it.  
I was already invisible to you before... How much more now?

Now... that she's by your side.

I was already invisible, but now... You don't even know I exist.

_You've found someone_

_It breaks my heart_

_Coz you're so in love_

You two are always together now.  
Side by side.

And you don't see, that from afar...

… My heart shatters with each smile and laugh you share with her.

It's not fair...

… Why can't I be the one standing by your side?

Why does it have to be... _Her_?

Why can't it be... _Me_?

_I wish that my touch_

_Makes you smile just like that_

_And I wish that I had you_

_the way that she has_

_Coz I still remember the love_

_I left behind_

_Oh I wish I was her_

_And you were mine_

You really don't remember do you...?

When we first met...?  
I was just a little girl back then... Looking for her Daddy.  
My Mommy had told me that he was away, playing baseball and fulfilling his dream.

He wanted to be a star.  
But to fulfill that dream; he had to leave me and Mommy behind.

It was hard for me when I found out... That Daddy was never coming back... Ever again.

I ran away from home every single day after that... And soon found myself sitting on one of the swing sets at the nearby neighborhood playground.

I hated baseball after that...  
Because of that awful sport... I lost my Daddy.

But then I met you...  
You changed my opinion of that sport...

...You made me love it.

_"Ahahahaha! As long as you love your Daddy; he will always be there in your heart! He loved baseball right? Then you should too! I'm sure that will make your Daddy really happy!"_

That day, those words, that smile...

It was you who gave me hope again.  
It was you who restored my faith.  
It was you... Who made me believe again.

_"What's your name?"_

_"R-Reiko... Reiko Watanabe...!"_

_"Ahahaha, it's nice to meet you Reiko-chan! I'm Takeshi! Takeshi Yamamoto!"_

_"H-Hello... Takeshi-kun..."_

_"Let's be friends okay?"_

_"Okay!"_

_"Ahahaha! wanna play a game Reiko-chan?"_

_"Yes!"_

That was the day... I smiled again, for the first time in a long time.  
It was because of your words that I grew stronger... You saved me... From a life of sadness and regret.

That was also the day... I first fell in love with you.

_I think somebody's tryin' to talk to me_

_But I can't hear a word they're saying_

_All I can do is stare at you_

_I don't even know why I'm staying_

_Never thought, I'd cry to see you Happy Its Just I Thought that your happiness_

_Was right here with me_

"Envy, what's wrong?" a voice called out from behind me. I sighed.

"Nothing Lust, just... Rekindling old memories..." I replied as I looked over the horizon in front of me, the sun was about to set and soon the cool night air will caress my face.

"Do you regret what you did...? To Yamamoto Takeshi I mean. Do you regret doing that to him?" Lust asked as he sat down on the spot next to me.

I wanted to laugh, but my heart was beginning to hurt again.  
Losing him... Was it really worth it all?  
Was is really worth this pain...?

Was it really worth the shattering of my heart...?

I... Still loved him.

And yet; I was the one who stabbed him and just stood there, waiting for him to die.

So why...  
… Why does it hurt this much?

I was the one who wanted him gone right?  
I was the one who had nearly killed him, wasn't I?

So why...

… Why do I still love him?

"Ne, Lust..."

"Hmm?"

"I-Is it... S-Supposed to h-hurt this m-much...?" I asked as the tears began trickling down my cheeks. I quickly dropped to my knees, the pain and sorrow I've been holding in all this time had finally begun to take its toll.

"Envy..." Lust practically whispered, his tone full of sympathy.

"D-Does it really have to be this hard to m-move on...? It h-hurts... It hurts so much! The pain is too much...! I want it to stop!" I cried as Lust wrapped his arms around me.

"It's going to be okay... Everything will be fine..." Lust whispered in comfort as I continued to cry in his embrace.

"I loved him... I loved him first! He was my whole world, why couldn't she have seen that...? Why couldn't she have let me loved him...? Why did she have to take him away...?"

_I know we're through_

_It's no use_

_Still I can't help but feel_

That's right.

He was my best friend.  
He was my happiness.  
He was my whole world.

He was my... Everything.

But she took him away...

I... Hate her.

_I wish that my touch_

_Makes you smile just like that (make you smile like that)_

_And I wish that I had you_

_The way that she has you (the way that she has)_

_Coz I still remember the love_

_I left behind (I left behind)_

_Oh I wish I was her_

_And you were mine_

Why didn't you ever see me that way...?

Why couldn't I have made you smile like that...?

Why couldn't I have made you laugh like that...?

Why... Takeshi-kun?

Why couldn't you love me...

… Like you love her?

Why...?

_The way that she has you_

_I wish that was me (I wish that was me)_

_There's no place on earth_

_That I'd rather be (rather be)_

_Coz I still remember the love_

_I left behind_

_Oh I wish I was her_

_And you were mine_

Why didn't you give me a chance...?

Was it really that hard to do...?

Was it really impossible...  
… For you to love me?

Never once did you leave my mind.

Did you not see that?

I loved you and only you.

Did you not feel that?

Was it my imagination...  
… Or did you spare me one last smile when I left you there to die from the poison?

Was I hearing things...  
… Or did you actually call out my name when I finally left the scene?

Tell me, Takeshi-kun...

… Did you even care the slightest about me?

_I used to be right beside you_

_Now I'm not even kept inside your heart_

_I put our love upon a shelf_

_But now it's gone_

_Coz you belong to someone else_

I... I was always right beside you.

Always by your side, supporting you every step of the way.  
But...  
… I guess I was just wasting my time.

You never cared about me.  
And I was too blind to catch on sooner.

I was so stupid... To think that you could ever love someone like me.

It hurts.

It hurts to think that maybe, from the very start; I never had a chance with you.  
It hurts to know that I meant nothing to you.

It hurts.

Because I know...  
… I know I'll never be someone special to you.

It hurts.

It hurts so much, Takeshi-kun...

_I wish that my touch_

_Makes you smile just like that (I wish I was her)_

_And I wish that I had you_

_The way that she has you (the way that she has you babe)_

_Coz I still remember love_

_I left (I Left Oh I Left Behind)_

_Oh I wish I was her (I wish I was her)_

_And you were mine (oh I wish you were mine)_

I felt the shackles on my hands growing heavier and heavier.

Was this truly my fate?

To be forever bounded by the chains of my sin?

Was this the whole reason for my existence?  
To be hurt, then healed, only to be hurt again?  
Did I not deserve to be happy?

Was I destined to live in sadness and regret?

Was the sole reason I was born...  
… Simply to suffer like this?

Ah, that's right.

I have no right to be happy.

I am one of the **Seven Deadly Sins**.

Forever the one who wants, but can never have.

I am **Envy**...

… And that's all who I'll ever be.

_Oh I wish that were me (Oh I Wish That Was Me)_

_There's no place On earth_

_That I'd rather be (That I'd Rather Be)_

_Coz I still remember the love_

_I left behind_

_Oh I wish I was her_

_And you were mine_

You're a liar Takeshi Yamamoto.

_"Reiko-chan!"_

Stop it.

_"Reiko-chan...!"_

Leave me alone!

_"Reiko-chan..."_

I hate you!

Why...

Why do you continue to haunt my thoughts...?

I hate you, don't I?

So why...  
… Why am I crying once more?

_"I'll always protect Reiko-chan! That's a promise!"_

I used to believe in you...  
I had faith in you...  
… But, in the end, it was all in vain.

You let me down.

And so my heart continues to shatter.

Only a little more... A little more until it's fully crushed.

Just a little more-

_"Reiko-chan, meet Natalie!"_

- Crash.

It's finally over.

I'm done.

Reiko Watanabe no longer exists.

I hope you're happy Takeshi Yamamoto.

The girl you once knew...  
… Is no longer here.

"I see you've finally awaken..." Azazel reached out to me, taking my hand in his own.  
His hands were cold, almost lifeless to the touch.

But who was I to say?

"... _**Envy**_. Welcome back."

I was the same way now.

Not a speck of emotion remained.  
My sense of touch was completely gone.

My heart was completely shattered beyond repair.

No longer did I feel happiness, sadness, or loneliness.  
No longer did I wish to smile, laugh, or even cry.

All I felt now...  
… Was hate and anger.

Reiko Watanabe?

Who is that?  
Does she even exist?

If so; I don't know her.

I am _**Envy**_ of the **Seven Deadly Sins**.

That is who I am...  
… And that's who I'll ever be.

All because of him.

Because of that one boy...

… Who wasn't worth it at all.

Takeshi Yamamoto... You're such a liar.

You promised me that you'll protect me.

Ha.

Where are you now?

Where were you when I needed you the most?

Ah, now I remember...  
… You were with her.

How could I forget?

I mean nothing to you.

Takeshi Yamamoto...

… Have you always been such a good liar?

… Or have I always been this stupid?

Ah, it doesn't matter now.

You know why?

It's because... No one can save me now.

Not you, not anyone.

I've always hated liars.

Oh how stupid I was not to see...

That the biggest liar I would ever know...

… Was right in front of me.

Goodbye... Takeshi Yamamoto.

Goodbye... Reiko Watanabe.

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**A/N:** Okay. I guess I have some explaining to do. Let me start things off; 1st: _**Reiko Watanabe**_ is one of my KHR OCs, she has the Rain Flame and is also _**Envy**_ of the _**Seven Deadly Sins**_ (the main enemies of my story _**"Immortal Flames"**_during the _**"Kasalanan Arc"**_). She met Yamamoto when they were just kids, after their meeting of course; she fell in love with him. But after meeting Natalie, well, I'll let the songfic explain that. 2nd: her shorthand is _**83**_, the "_**8**_" representing Yamamoto {80} who she falls in love with, and the "_**3**_" representing Chris (my main KHR OC) {03} a friend of hers who always worries about her. 3rd: Anymore questions about her, just PM me or leave a review~ 4th: _**Lust**_ is another one of my KHR OCs, but you'll have to read _**"Immortal Flames"**_ to find out who he is~

Thank you for reading~

Review~


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